What is tantric sex? How to have your most intimate sex yet.
Is tantric sex just regular sex slowed down? No! Well.. kind of. But it’s also much more than that. Welcome to your comprehensive tantric sex introduction. By the end of this article, mind-shattering orgasms will be on your weekly to-do list and quickies will be a thing of the past.
What is tantric sex?
Otherwise known as Neotantra, or just tantra, tantric sex is an ancient Hindu and Buddhist practice that has spiritual origins. It focusses on connection, awareness, and, of course, pleasure. It is thousands of years old and is still practiced by people all over the world.
“Tantra” is a Sanskrit term that means “to weave”. Tantric sex involves the weaving together of bodies and energies. And, yes, it’s as delicious as it sounds. Scroll down to our favorite tantric sex positions to get a proper taste of that.
It’s more than just slow, sexy sex.
Tantric sex views intercourse in a different light. It is not about reaching orgasm. Rather, it’s about spiritual exploration, deep emotional connection, and focusing on the moment in order to truly experience each sensation. The journey is everything!
Traditionally, the focus of tantric sex is spiritual. And tantric experts today still practice it as a way to reach enlightenment and connect with spiritual energies. But in the West today, most people practicing tantric sex use it to bring more intimacy and pleasure to their sexy sessions.
Still wondering: what is tantric sex? Well, it generally involves a lot of breathing, eye contact, and slow, considered movement. Oh, and of course, never-ending orgasms. But more on that (and the ultimate tantric sex positions) later...
Why have tantric sex?
Do we even have to ask?
Enhanced intimacy and connection.
As we’ve mentioned, tantric sex is about one thing: connection. Because it involves slowing sex down, mindfulness, and the deep connection between two people, tantric sex is a good way to reconnect with a partner - emotionally and physically. And because communication is central to successful tantric sex, you will also better get to know each other’s sexual needs.
If you’ve watched the Sex and the City episode where the ladies go to a tantric workshop and there’s ejaculation, well, everywhere, you know that tantric sex equals big orgasms.
And this is no myth. Tantric sex involves delaying orgasm. Tension, excitement, and sensation slowly build during a long tantric session, so when the release comes, it’s far more powerful than usual.
Lots of people report not only more intense climaxes but longer-lasting and multiple orgasms. If you’ve tried “edging”, you know where we’re coming from.
Tantric sex is great for women who struggle to orgasm during regular sex. It’s also good for men suffering from premature ejaculation - they learn to postpone orgasm and make sex last longer. Result!
Non. Stop. Pleasure.
There’s more to sex than an orgasm, we promise.
Because tantric sex is about being in-the-moment, sensations - the ones that usually pass in a sweaty blur during sex - are enhanced.
There’s something heavenly about waiting to make your partner orgasm, and them doing the same to you. Every small movement becomes pleasure-central.
Sidenote: Sting and Tom Hanks both famously have tantric sex. That might be reason enough.
How do I start having tantric sex?
Now that your question “what is tantric sex?” has been answered, you’re probably curious about jumping aboard this pleasure-wagon. Fortunately, there are lots of ways to introduce tantra into your sex life. Tantric sex is a whole mind and body experience: it’s not just about penetration and stimulating genitalia or erogenous zones.
Create the right setting.
Amazing sex is always made better with good ambiance. But with tantric sex, this is even more important. You want to be as in the moment as possible, and you want to make the sex feel special.
Put your phones on silent and remove any distractions. Cut off the outside world. Turn down the lights, shut the curtains, light some candles, put some music on. If you can, try not to be on your bed. Create a new space, on the floor perhaps with blankets and cushions.
Burning incense and having some sensual oils to hand also helps - you want to experience all your senses to the utmost.
Begin with a massage.
And when you’re ready, make it a tantric massage.
Massage is a great way to start any sexual encounter, but it’s particularly good for tantric sex. Most people wondering what is tantric sex will have heard of tantric massage.
Have your partner lie down and then take your time to slowly get to know their body. Touch, kiss, stroke and massage them, paying attention to their pleasure, asking them what they like, and enjoying the intimacy of the shared moment.
If you feel comfortable, you can up the heat a little. A tantric massage uses touch as well as energy to dissolve physical boundaries and put the receiver into a state of pleasure, relaxation, and freedom. It is a whole-body massage that includes the erogenous zones and genitalia.
If you’re a non-professional wanting to try tantric massage with a partner, that’s no problem. Massage their body as usual and simply see their genitalia as another body part to give attention to.
Orgasm is not the aim and is not essential. When you’re ready for the genital massage, situate yourself so you can easily reach their genitals and have some lube to hand. If you have a partner with a penis, slowly massage their testicles, perineum (the area between the testicles and anus) as well as the penis, varying the movement, pace, and direction of your strokes. Hold off the climax as long as you can.
If you’re massaging someone with a vagina, start in a similar way: comfortable and with lube at hand. Start slowly stroking the area around the vagina, then the vulva and outer labia. Again, vary your strokes and pace and pay attention to what they tell you feels good.
After a long time here, you can move towards the clitoris, and eventually gentle penetration of their vagina, one finger at a time. Gently stimulate their G-spot with some “come here” finger movements, all the while with your free hand massaging the rest of her body.
Sound like heaven? We thought so, too.
Breathe - properly.
If you’ve got yourself to a yoga class recently, firstly: well done, and secondly, you know what we mean by proper breathing.
Sit with your partner - crossed legged and facing each other is best. Wrap your arms comfortably around each other, close your eyes and breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, aiming to hold your breath at each end for at least 5 seconds. Synchronize this with your partner and do it for at least a few minutes.
Focusing on the breath is a traditional meditative and spiritual technique for achieving mindfulness. And it works as successfully when it comes to tantric sex, as it brings you and your partner into the moment and synchronizes your bodies, enhancing pleasure and connection.
Up the eye contact.
Eye contact is totally underrated. Eye contact during sex always up the heat as well as the romance, and eye contact with sexy strangers on the subway is one of life’s uncelebrated joys.
From start to finish, make as much eye contact with your partner as possible. Before any genitals are touched, try sitting across from each other and just looking into each other’s eyes. In a natural way - not a creepy, starey one.
It can be awkward at first and you might have the urge to giggle, but try not to. Once that passes, you won’t want to look away. When the session unfolds into sex, continued eye contact will make you feel close to your partner and more in-the-moment than ever.
Do small, gentle movements.
Whatever tantric sex position you’re in, remember this.
For couples where one person has a penis and the other a vagina, during penetration, try entering the penis slowly and deeply and then hold it there, counting to 5 seconds (or 10 if you can manage it) before moving on. The same goes for couples penetrating using fingers or sex toys (or anything else!).
This also applies to any movement during the session. Experiment - rotate your pelvises in slow motion, or, if you have a vagina, slightly squeeze during penetration. This is a tightening of the vagina walls, and if you’re unfamiliar with it, imagine it like squeezing a tampon. All these micro-movements are tension and sensation building, and you and your partner will not be able to think about anything other than your bodily sensations.
Tantric sex positions.
As you might have guessed from the above information, tantric sex isn’t just about positions. There are, however, certain sexy stances that complement tantra.
When it comes down to it, the essential thing about tantric sex positions is that the couple is physically close - intertwined, even - and able to make eye contact.
If one position could answer “what is tantric sex?”, it would be this one. The Yab Yum is the classic tantric sex position. One person sits on the other person’s lap and wraps their legs around their waist. Both people wrap their arms around each other, with their pelvises connected.
This is good for gentle and deep movement during penetration, eye contact, or just holding each other and breathing.
Missionary - with a twist.
Our tried and tested favorite - missionary. To take it up a tantric notch, have the person on the bottom put their legs over the shoulders of the partner on top. Have the person on top slowly lower down, so your faces are close to each other, and slowly thrust whilst maintaining eye contact.
This one is for any yogis out there. Kneel down face to face with your partner. Each of you places the opposite foot on the ground in front of you, so you are cupped together with genitals touching. From there you can both slowly lunge back and forth while holding each other and gazing into each other’s eyes.
Yes, a tantric sex position and a work-out in one!
Yes, masturbation can be tantric, too. It’s a great way to reconnect with your own pleasure and give yourself the attention you deserve. Run a bath, light some candles and give yourself a 2 (or 3?) hour window. You won’t regret it.
So, what is tantric sex? As well as being glorious, consuming and sex-life-altering, it is tender, romantic and good for your mental health. It can also be used to enhance other sex practices, like BDSM.
With a few tantric tricks up your sleeves, there’s nothing you can’t do.