11 Ways to Be More Sex-Positive
Few things are more uncomfortable than watching a sex scene with a parent. Except, perhaps, watching one with a grandparent.
Why is sex a topic most of us blush at and shy away from? Why does it make us uncomfortable? And embarrassed? Because most of us have been taught that sex is shameful!
Fortunately, the sex-positivity movement is turning this norm upside down.
What is sex positivity?
What exactly does sex positive mean? Put simply, sex positivity means having a positive attitude towards sex.
More specifically, sex-positive means removing shame around sex. It’s about open communication, acceptance, and education. It’s about knowing that as long as things are legal and consensual, we should never judge ourselves or someone else for the amount of sex or type of sex they’re having.
What is sex-positivity about? Sex-positive examples can include someone having kinky sex 4 times a day. Another sex-positive example can be someone who is happily asexual.
It’s not about isn’t about having loads of sex - it’s about healthy attitudes towards whatever sex an individual chooses to have.
The sex-positive movement
Sex-positivity as a philosophy and social movement began with the sexual liberation of the ’60s and ’70s (although can be traced back even further).
It emphasizes the importance of consent, safe sex, choice, pleasure, experimentation, body-positivity, and viewing sex as a healthy and natural part of life.
Being sex-positive can give us greater freedom, happiness, empathy, and, of course, pleasure! And the good news is it’s something you can practice every day. Here’s how to live a more sex-positive lifestyle.
11 ways to be more sex-positive every day
1. Masturbation!
We knew you’d like this one.
Masturbation has so many benefits besides the obvious one (orgasm). It helps you get to know your body, be comfortable with yourself as a sexual being, releases positive endorphins, improves your mood, relieves pain, and helps us learn that masturbation isn’t something to hide.
It’s normal, and everyone does it!
Go a step further by exploring new parts of your body (like your erogenous zones), new toys, and new techniques.
2. Talk about sex
The more we openly talk about sex, the less taboo it becomes. Talking about sex with your friends helps you feel good about your desires, turn any shame you might have into self-love, and realize that, actually, most people are kinkier than we think…
What is sex-positivity? Being able to talk about sex!
3. Learn about enthusiastic consent
Enthusiastic consent is a practice that encourages people to make sure everyone involved in a sexual experience enthusiastically wants to be there.
In other words, it’s about making sure you’re having sex because you really want to and checking the person (or people) you’re with are feeling the same thing.
Learn more and think about what it means to you and how it makes you think about your sexual encounters.
4. Explore your fantasies with erotic media
Know that it’s normal, and good, to enjoy erotic videos, books, and sensual audio treats - especially from platforms that support their workers!
They’re a great way to learn about our desires and remind ourselves that everyone around the world has fantasies and kinks. And that the things we think are “weird” really aren’t.
5. Talk to people with different interests
And don’t put someone down for enjoying something you don’t!
Research and talk to people with different sexual orientations, gender identities, bodies, kinks, and experiences. If someone’s lifestyle makes you uncomfortable, stop and ask yourself why.
Sex-positive means acceptance. And this a great way to overcome judgment of yourself and others.
6. Give yourself a sex education
What is sex-positivity? A chance to learn and grow.
It’s surprising that, even today, most women don’t know much about their genitals. Learning about your bits is a good way to empower yourself and not feel embarrassed to say the word “vagina”. Because why should we?
7. Ask for what you want
This one is especially for the ladies. Once you’ve researched and explored and know what you want, start asking for it - whether it’s a position you’re keen to try, a new toy, a role-play scenario, or more foreplay.
Telling your partner what you want is empowering and leads to more pleasure for you both. Plus, it helps you overcome any shame you have around your desires or sexual needs.
Sex-positivity means empowerment, because with empowerment comes confidence and easier communication.
8. Try having sex in a new way
Sex doesn’t have to be P in V penetration. There are so many other ways to do it!
Start exploring non-penetrative sex and different types of sex. Trying new things will open your mind to what “sex” actually means, help you understand what you like and why other people are into stuff you might previously have considered “weird”.
9. Don’t slut-shame
Or shame sex work. And call out anyone who does! In other words, don’t judge other people or yourself. Remember, sex-positivity means overcoming the shame we’ve been taught.
9. Buy something sexy for yourself
This could be a toy, BDSM tool, kinky outfit, or cute underwear. This helps you learn to see your sexuality as important and worth investing in - and feel amazing in some new lingerie!
10. Be naked more!
Being naked is an amazing way to feel body-positive. You could start by sitting naked in your bedroom for a few minutes and being aware of how your body feels. You could not rush to put your clothes on post-sex. You could go to a nudist beach or a sauna with friends!
The choice is yours. But, trust us, being naked has a magical way of making you see your body as normal and nudity as natural and nothing to be embarrassed about.
11. Don’t take sex too seriously
Real sex isn’t perfect. And it’s very different from what we see in porn! Things go wrong, weird noises happen, bodies bump together awkwardly… and it’s all normal!
Being relaxed, lighthearted, and taking the pressure off sex and yourself to be “perfect” will help you feel empowered and less shy. It’s a good way to normalize sex - in whatever weird or naughty form it takes - and to make open communication easier.
Living sex-positively can change your perspective on yourself, your body, and your relationships. It can change how society treats women, sex workers, and queer people. And it can unleash our pleasurable potential!
Start your journey, and be confident in the knowledge that it’ll be a pleasurable one.
