How to Finger a Woman? Avoid These 6 Common Mistakes

Everyone loves fingering. Or rather, everyone loves good fingering. But how to finger a girl or vulva-owner, and make sure it’s really, really good? That’s a great question.

What is fingering?

Put simply, it’s the act of sexually stimulating a vagina or vulva, including the clitoris - whether it’s your own or someone else’s.

When you’re doing it to someone else, it’s an amazing form of foreplay or sexy act in itself. When it’s done right, it can lead to unbelievable pleasure! But when it’s not done right, it can be uncomfortable or even painful.

Woman putting fingers in grapefruit

If you’re wondering how to finger a girl, don’t worry. Here are 6 common mistakes to avoid - as well as fingering techniques that will give your lover the time of their life.

Remember: the power is in your hands. Literally!

How to finger a woman: 6 fingering mistakes to avoid

1. Being in a hurry

Many people are guilty of going for penetration too soon. If you’ve been kissing for 10 seconds before your fingers are inside her, it’s probably too fast.

Most women need longer than you think to be aroused and ready for vaginal penetration. However excited you are, make sure there’s enough heavy petting first. Tease your partner!

This includes kissing and stroking her all over, especially her erogenous zones and the area surrounding her genitals (inner thighs, lower abdomen).

As a general rule: slower equals better. The longer you stimulate their whole body, the more pleasure they’ll feel overall. It’s all in the build-up. The same applies to the actual fingering. Start with one finger, then slowly increase according to your partner’s response.

Couple having intimate moment at home

2. “Finger-blasting”

“Finger-blasting” is the (uncomfortable) term for penetrating a vagina deep with your fingers and pumping at high speed. It’s a porn classic and has led men the world over to believe this is how to finger a girl.

Don’t get us wrong, sometimes vulva-owners want this. But it’s not as often as men seem to think. If you’re going to do it hard and fast, there has to be build up first, or you have to know your partner’s into it. Otherwise, it will be painful and a big turn-off.

Our advice? Start with one finger, then slowly and according to your partner’s cues, increase speed and pressure.

The same goes for stimulating the clitoris. The clit is very sensitive. So please, please, don’t rub it like you’re trying to remove a stain from a carpet.

Woman in sportswear pointing down

3. Stopping just as it gets good

It’s true that vulva-owners can take a long time to climax - it usually requires at least 15 minutes of continued stimulation. So, how to finger a woman and reach the big O?

Firstly, variety is good when you’re getting going. You should change your pace, technique, and pay attention to different parts of her vulva and body.

But when she’s getting close to the edge or you can see a movement is really working for her - don’t stop. In fact, keep doing exactly what you’re doing. Because, after lots of other stimulation, repeated pressure in a spot that feels good will tip her over the edge.

4. Thinking fingering is just about the vagina

With how to finger a woman, it’s important to get the lay of the land. Did you know that the vagina is the hole used for penetrative sex and the rest of her (or their) genital area, including the clitoris and labia, is the vulva?

Close-up of a half grapefuit

Now you know! And you should also know that it’s not all about entering the vagina with your fingers. Vagina penetration is great and important - in fact, the vagina entrance is a pleasurable part to focus on (swirling your finger in a circular motion around the wall of the vagina as you slowly enter her will get you top marks).

But this shouldn’t be all you do.

The clitoris

One of the most important fingering techniques? Clitoral stimulation.

The clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings, meaning it’s literally pleasure-central and something that you can’t ignore when stimulating a woman. It’s the pea-sized pod located above the entrance to the vagina. If you can’t see it, it could be covered by the clitoral hood, so feel around.

Using your tongue on their clit while using your fingers for penetration will feel amazing. You can also stimulate the clit with one hand while entering her with the other, or focus on stimulating the clit and then enter. But for the best results, you want to be doing both at the same time.

The G spot

The magical G spot is located around 2-3 inches inside the vagina, on the upper side/front wall. It feels more sponge-like than the rest of the vagina. Stimulate it by doing a “come hither” motion with your fingers.

Combining this with clit stimulation will guarantee an intense sensation and, likely, a powerful orgasm.

Man doing beckoning motion

5. Not cutting your nails

Or not cleaning your hands, or taking off your rings.

Generally, if something’s going inside someone’s body, it has to be clean. So wash your hands! Having too long fingernails or leaving your rings on can quickly turn a good time into a bad time.

6. Thinking an orgasm is the end goal

The point of fingering isn’t to make your partner orgasm. The point is to give them pleasure.

If they reach orgasm - great! But that doesn’t mean you should stop. Keep stimulating them and see if you can reach the Holy Grail: Multiple orgasms.

If they don’t orgasm after a long time spent fingering, don’t worry about it. Sometimes it doesn’t happen and that’s okay. Ask your partner what they like, switch to using your mouth, or give them a surprise treat by whipping out a sex toy.

Nothing will send her over the edge like using a bullet vibrator on her clit while entering her with your fingers.

Sensual couple with faces close

Bear in mind every woman or person with a vulva will like something different. Their vulva will be different too! If you want to know how to finger a girl properly, remember this: it’s all about listening to your partner.

These fingering techniques and tips will set you up as a fingering expert. But to be a true finger genius, you should be able to cater your skills to someone’s personal tastes.

How will you know what they like? Watch out for pleasurable responses from their body. And ask them. Who dislikes being asked what gets them off? No one!