What is Edging? Why Orgasm Control Will Change Your Sex Life
If you didn’t know already, edging can bring many physical and mental benefits to your sex life, your relationship with your body, and, if you’re in a relationship, your romantic partner.
What is edging?
Also known as teasing, surfing, or peaking, edging is the sexual practice of repeatedly bringing yourself close to climax then abruptly stopping, resting, and starting the process as many times as your self-control allows.
It means taking yourself (or your lover) to the edge of orgasm in a tantalizingly slow way that builds up to an incredibly intense climactic release.
Did you know there are several different types of orgasm? Repeatedly taking your body to the edge of orgasm amplifies your nerve endings and causes more blood to flow to your pelvic area, leading to heightened sensation and body-shaking orgasms of all kinds.
What’s the point of edging and orgasm control?
Besides edging simply being fun, it has an array of benefits that might surprise you.
The main reason people are drawn to orgasm control is to experience stronger and more intense orgasms. But the mindful practice of orgasm denial and control also makes you appreciate the other parts of sex, in particular those delicious moments right before orgasm.
What is edging? For many people, edging is a useful way to make sex last longer, which can be useful if you’re prone to jumping the gun. In addition, because orgasm control and orgasm denial require physical and mental control, it helps with issues like premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and performance anxiety.
Edging and orgasm control have other emotional and psychological benefits. By subverting the idea of sex being a race to climax, orgasm control reframes mainstream ideas of what sex is. It emphasizes the importance of foreplay and the pleasurable experience of sex as a whole, not just penetration.
Because edging requires mindfulness, mental focus, physical awareness, and communication it can become an almost therapeutic tool that allows you to better know your body and feel more connected to your partner.
Use edging to make your sex life better
There are different ways to explore orgasm control or edging solo or with a partner. You can incorporate it into any type of sex you have, but whatever you do, make sure you are focussing on sensation and being in the moment.
When trying edging with a partner, it’s unlikely you’ll both be able to edge and reach orgasm at the same time because all our bodies are different (but if you can, go for it!). This means that one person’s sexual pleasure will be prioritized at a time.
However, note that when one partner brings the other to climax after orgasm denial or control, they experience a hugely pleasurable energetic release, too.
Explore it solo
- Set the scene. This is all about you and your pleasure, so you should set time aside and make your setting sensual and comfortable. You can do this by making sure you’re alone, having clean sheets, and lighting candles.
- Slow down and pay attention. Slowly touch yourself all over and think about how each touch feels, how your body responds, and what is going on in your mind. Touch your genitals when you’re ready. Focus on slow, deep breathing, and don’t rush.
- Stop when you get close. When you feel like you’re close to orgasm, stop completely, allow your body to relax, breathe deeply and start the process again.
- Repeat. Go through this cycle as many times as you can. The more delay, the better!
Explore it with a partner
- Slow, expanded foreplay. Take your time going through all the different stages of sex, exploring each other's bodies, and making foreplay last a long time. Massage, kissing, stroking, fingering, oral sex, penetrative sex, toys… Touch in new ways in new areas.
- Build up to orgasm and stop. Take your time building up to orgasm through whatever stimulation you want and when one of you gets close, stop, take a break, return to a more gentle form of stimulation like massage, then resume.
- Develop a signal for when you’re at the edge of orgasm. It can be a physical signal or just I’m close!
- Involve mindful dirty talk. How does it feel when I touch you here? Where do you want me to touch you next? Are you ready to orgasm? How did that orgasm feel?
Make it kinky
Edging, orgasm denial, and orgasm control are popular in the kink community, especially among people who practice BDSM or powerplay.
What is edging? Orgasm control can be a hot and intense way to explore power dynamics because the submissive partner has to surrender their body and pleasure to their dominant partner, who has control over if and when they orgasm.
Indulge in kinky orgasm denial and control by taking your partner to the edge of climax and making them beg you for more, or deny them entirely (leaving them with blue balls!) as part of a naughty BDSM punishment.
As we said, edging can bring all kinds of benefits to your sex life. It’s a great form of foreplay and even a great way to prepare for anal play because of its ability to relax the mind and body.
Enjoy and explore this sexy practice in whatever way suits you. If you’ve got the focus and self-control, you’ll learn a whole lot about your body and be pleasantly surprised at the world of sensation you’ve been missing out on.
