Sexual Fantasy Meanings: Your Dirty Daydreams Explained

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We’ve all been there. Lust takes over and, BAM, you’re inside that strange sex fantasy you told yourself you wouldn’t return too. Why do aroused-minds seem to have, well, minds of their own? What does sexual fantasy mean, and what deeper meanings can we find behind ours?

A surprising number of people wonder “Why do I fantasize about being dominated?”, “Why do I fantasize about my husband with another woman?”, and “Why am I fantasizing about that rude, obnoxious guy in my office?”. As well as incredibly arousing, our sexual fantasies can be freaky, fascinating, and frightening. But most of what we think are “weird” fantasies are the consequence of other things going on in our lives, and loads of people have the same ones.

Woman in bed in lingerie thinking

To help you learn about your own lust, here are sexual fantasy meanings of 9 common (kinky) daydreams. But before that, let’s find out:

What does sexual fantasy mean?

A sexual fantasy is an image, scenario, or story that, essentially, turns you on. Letting your mind focus on this image gives you sexual pleasure and excitement. Erotic fantasies are powerful: a good fantasy can take over your mind, make you attracted to someone you’d never looked at twice before, or be the difference between orgasm and no orgasm.

You might think about trying this fantasy in real life, but not necessarily. A lot of the time, sexual fantasies are appealing because they are what they are: Fantasies.

Some of the pleasure of fantasy comes from being able to “enjoy” the positive aspects of them without dealing with real-life complications. What is the meaning of fantasies involving BDSM? For one thing, they let us enjoy rough sex without the bruises…

Why do we have them?

Firstly, they’re fun! Sometimes we erotically fantasize simply to enjoy being turned on, or to enhance masturbation and sexual pleasure. Lots of factors influence why we sexy-dream certain things at certain times: a scene from an erotic book or film, a conversation, or a past sexual experience might inspire us late at night.

Sexual fantasies help us explore our physical needs, yes, but they can also tell us something about our mental, emotional, and psychological ones. What does sexual fantasy mean about an individual? They can often reflect aspects of our personalities; how we see ourselves, and how we would like to be seen.

Sometimes they just offer us a pleasurable alternative to our real lives; sexy escapism that lets us de-stress and imagine possibilities beyond our daily routines.

Sleepless woman in bed looking thoughtful

My fantasies are pretty out there… am I normal?

A lot of us feel ashamed about what turns us on. This means it’s important to talk about sexual fantasies and desires, especially ones that feel taboo!

Many “weird” fantasies, such as ones involving cuckolding or infidelity, are also the most common. Women frequently fantasize about things deemed hard-core (more so than men). And it’s very common for hetero women to have lesbian fantasies. What is the meaning of fantasies like these?

Again, it’s important to point out that fantasy is different from reality, and fantasizing about something doesn’t always mean you want to try it in real life.

Sexual fantasy meanings: Why do we lust after certain things?

The most common sexual fantasies fall into 3 main groups: Novelty and adventure, Group sex, and BDSM. Lots of sexual fantasies are a result of desiring power, new experiences, freedom, attention, or from craving what we know we shouldn’t.

Psychologists and sex experts have found links between common fantasies and personality traits like being extroverted, shy, or adventurous.

As we’ve mentioned, sexual fantasy meanings can indicate certain things about your personality and deep emotional needs, as opposed to desire you may have for, say, an individual. If you’re lustily yearning after someone you shouldn’t be - don’t panic! Your fantasy is more about what they symbolize than who they are.

What can our sexual fantasies tell us about ourselves? 9 common fantasies explained.

1. Sexual fantasy meanings: Why do I fantasize about being dominated?

Being dominated by a powerful lover is on the sex-fantasy podium. BDSM-inspired desires are often linked to a desire for escapism. The nature of BDSM play as totally in-the-moment, as well as to do with role-playing, means that domination/submission fantasies help us escape self-awareness.

You might fantasize about this if you have a powerful job or responsibility in your daily life - the idea of relinquishing control gets you off.

What is the meaning of sexual fantasies about violence? Sometimes it’s wanting to feel wanted. Is anything more of an ego boost than having a lover violently (and consensually) taking you against a wall because their passion for you is uncontrollable? Also, lest we forget, power and confidence are undeniably sexy.

Back side of man holding BDSM toy

It’s possible you’re fantasizing about a dominant partner just because you find those characteristics attractive. Don’t we all?

2. Fantasizing about someone you should not be fantasizing about. So wrong it’s right.

A common fantasy is desiring people you really, really shouldn’t. “The unknown” and the taboo are major parts of many sexual fantasy meanings and are seen by a lot of people to be inherently sexy.

Infidelity fantasies, for example, are very common. What does sexual fantasy mean in this instance? Well, it doesn’t mean you should immediately end things with your partner! They might mean you’re a bit of a commitment-phobe and you’re craving independence. They could also mean you just get a thrill out of breaking the rules and just being bad.

3. Spontaneous sex with a stranger.

What’s the meaning of sexual fantasies involving emotionless hook-ups? They often embody typical sex-fantasy themes: The forbidden, the dangerous, the unknown…

It feels good to imagine a complete stranger being totally attracted to you without even knowing you. This fantasy also lets you be whoever you want to be. If you feel restrained or anxious in real life, and held back from things you want to do, this fantasy could be manifesting the spontaneous, confident vixen you really want to be.

Couple kissing in smoke background

4. The “hate wank” - don’t hate yourself.

Your rude, obnoxious boss yells at you for no reason - again. You hate him, truly, so why is he appearing (prominently) in your sex fantasies?

Dreaming about someone you dislike or who treats you badly is common. It can be a way of taking back control and asserting dominance over them by using their body as a source of pleasure. Remember: What does sexual fantasy mean? Fantasy, not reality! Don’t hate yourself for the hate wank.

5. Why do I fantasize about my husband with another woman?

This fantasy is so common there’s a name for the fantasy-haver’s role in it: “Cuckqueen”. But it’s a common fantasy among people of all genders and sexualities.

This sexual fantasy meaning can vary depending on your position. It can be a manifestation of real fears you have about infidelity. It could be about wanting to show off the sexual prowess of your partner and yourself by association. If you’re controlling the action in the fantasy, it could be a fantasy about desiring dominance. But if you’re helplessly watching on, it could be about submission or erotic humiliation.

Lesbian couple kissing close up

6. Straight women lesbian fantasies - they happen, literally, all the time.

This is one of the most common fantasies for hetero women. And it’s not surprising when you remember that “Lesbian” is one of the most-searched-for terms by women on Pornhub.

If you’re straight and having these fantasies then, yes, it could mean you’re bi-curious, or gay. Alternatively, they could just be a way for you to mentally experience novelty, as well as lots of female pleasure. Lesbian sex tends to focus more on the activities that get women off - like cunnilingus.

7. Threesome fantasies: How many is too many?

Threesome fantasies are also on the sex-fantasy-popularity-podium. What does sexual fantasy mean to an extrovert? Sometimes, it means a chance to combine a desire to be surrounded by people with sexual satisfaction. But group sex and threesome fantasies are about more than wanting to have sex with lots of people all at once.

What’s the meaning of sexual fantasies involving multiple partners? Often they’re linked to a desire to feel free, sexually confident, and sexually desired by others.

8. Getting frisky in public: Sex and danger go hand in hand.

The Mild High Club is a gang many of us wish we were part of. Why? Sometimes sex in a public place gives us a chance to show off. Sometimes it’s just worth fantasizing about because it’s adventurous and new.

It’s also another fantasy for people who get a kick out of breaking the rules. Public sex, is, of course, illegal in many places, so the thrill of maybe getting caught adds a layer of excitement to a sexual fantasy that people might lack in their actual sex lives.

Couple embracing on plane

9. Domination sexual fantasy meaning: Power, again.

Again, the extreme and consuming nature of BDSM-inspired fantasies is appealing because our minds can totally escape inside them. Sometimes the meaning of sexual fantasies about domination are related to shy or passive characteristics.

If you’re fantasizing about dominating a lover it may be a manifestation of a desire to have control over parts of your life. You also might simply enjoy the feeling of being in control of your partner’s pleasure and having them depend on you and want to be pleasured by you.

Sexual fantasy meanings will be different for every individual.

What you shouldn’t do is worry about whether you’re a “weirdo” for what goes on in your mind, or obsessively try to find a single psychological cause for your kinks. What you should do is keep fantasizing. And, if it feels right, let your dreams guide you to new realms of sexual expression.