Crying orgasms: everything you need to know about crying after sex.
Did you cry last year as you watched your sister walk down the aisle? Did you cry because you were unbelievably hungry and your first bite of food was just so good? Did you cry just because you were PMSing last week and a cute dog passed by? Are you having crying orgasms?
We thought so.
These kinds of joy, emotion (and often hormone) filled tears are the ones that erupt out of many people post-orgasm. Whilst crying and orgasm feel like two words that shouldn’t be in the same sentence, crying after sex happens mostly because of all the hormones, emotions, and sensations that are released during an amazing session in the sack.
But, because tears aren’t the kind of fluid you normally want to come out of your lover at the end of sex, crying after orgasm can be confusing. That’s why we’re here: to help you make sense of your crying orgasm and get to know yourself a bit better. Because crying after sex is not only normal, but often something to celebrate!
Wipe those tears and read on.
What is a crying orgasm?
A crying orgasm or “Crymaxing” is crying during or post-sex. Some people have a crying orgasm every time they have sex. Others have cried post-orgasm just a handful of times. Others have never cried post-orgasm.
Also, some of us don’t orgasm from sex at all, but that’s a whole other issue...
We are all different, but a 2015 study published in the journal Sexual Medicine found that 46% of participants had experienced crying after sex. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy revealed that 4% of participants experienced crying orgasms on a regular basis.
Crying after orgasm is pretty darn common. And it happens fairly equally to both men and women.
In most cases, the tears come in the resolution stage of arousal, (which you can find more info on here), which basically means it happens when or just after you come. This is that cozy stage post-sex when our hormones are at work and most of us feel relaxed, happy and emotionally connected to our partners. But for others, this stage involves waterworks and a lover with a very surprised look on his face.
And this leads us to your next question.
Why am I crying after sex?
Everyone cries randomly and sometimes for no reason (hello again, hormones!). Or sometimes for a reason, they don’t understand until after a good weep. If you’ve had a crying orgasm and you want to figure out why, ask yourself some questions:
- Was I really crying, or was it just a few tears?
- Was I experiencing feelings of sadness when I cried or was it just physical?
- Did I feel an overwhelming rush of love for my partner in that moment?
- Was the sex unbelievably amazing?
Your answers to these might help you pinpoint the source of your tears. If you still feel clueless about why you’re having a crying orgasm, we have three common reasons why it happens.
You are experiencing a hormone explosion.
When you think about the intense rush of feeling that comes with an orgasm, tears don’t seem so strange. Some experts link a crying orgasm to the emotionally overwhelming effect of a powerful orgasm. Muscle tension is released and your heart rate and breathing slow down. If it’s especially good you might be having a full-on out of body experience.
Orgasms frequently create uncontrollable physical responses: shaking, writhing, screaming, cuddling… Unusual responses to orgasm are called “Peri-orgasmic phenomena”. A 2017 study put crying after sex on this list, alongside laughing, sneezing, headaches and foot pain. Yes, foot pain.
As we orgasm, hormones are released and surge around our brains and bodies. These include oxytocin (the “cuddle hormone” which enhances emotion and intimacy) and dopamine (the “happy hormone” which makes sex literally addictive). This explosion is enough to explain a small amount of crying after orgasm.
Think of an orgasm as a cleanse. Like a particularly sweaty sauna session.
If you’re holding in any emotions prior to sex, like grief, an orgasm is likely to bring it to the surface. Oxytocin also makes you feel a heightened closeness to your partner. Something you secretly want to tell your partner might spill out of you post-orgasm.
You have been warned!
Your tears are related to your emotional well-being, not sex.
If you answered the above questions and found that you felt shame or other negative emotions as you were crying after sex, then your tears probably weren’t a result of this sexual encounter, alone, but other emotional issues in your life.
Many of us (especially women, or people with certain religious beliefs) feel shame from sex.
Others have body image issues that are triggered by sex. Other people may have just has sex they weren’t happy with. If this sounds like you, seek help from a friend or a medical professional. Your welfare is important!
It’s a happy crying orgasm!
As we’ve mentioned vis-a-vis hormones, orgasms involve a huge emotional and physical release. And if you’ve ever cried at an airport in the arms of a family member, you know that crying can come from feelings of love and joy.
Sex is a vulnerable and intimate experience. You might be having sex with someone you really like for the first time. You might be reuniting with the ex that got away. It might be the last night you and your love will spend together before going long-distance for a while.
Or you might just feel such an explosion of love for your partner that tears come falling. You might just have such a pleasurable or unexpected orgasm it takes you by surprise and your body doesn’t know how to react. And then come the tears.
If the tears are pouring as you look at your partner and want to yell “Thank you!” for the incredible orgasm, it’s probably the oxytocin talking.
All we can say is well done for having awesome sex, and keep on crying after sex!
The next time you or your partner have a crying orgasm, you’ll be prepared to talk it out and tackle it head-on. The human body will always be a riddle, but at least we know one thing: you deserve the best sex possible.