Am I Demisexual? 7 Signs this Orientation is For You

Sexuality isn’t straightforward. It’s fluid, changes over time and is unique to every person.

Today, if you want to label your sexual orientation, there are a lot of terms, definitions and categories that can help you understand your sexual and romantic desires, learn what dating style suits you best, and communicate your orientation to potential partners and lovers.

In this article, we explain the term and orientation ‘demisexual,’ and give 7 common demisexual traits so you can stop wondering Am I demisexual? and get to know yourself a little better.

Happy queer couple in front of pride flag

What is demisexuality?

Demisexuality sits under the umbrella of asexuality, which describes someone who experiences no sexual attraction towards anyone, but it’s not the same.

Demisexual people experience sexual attraction, but only under certain conditions: once they have formed a close, emotional bond with another person.

This does not mean demisexual people are physically or sexually attracted to anyone or everyone they get close to. It means they are very unlikely to feel sexual desire unless a close bond has been established over a period of time.

A main demisexual trait is experiencing sex as being about emotion. They are unlikely to experience wild desire for a stranger in a bar, instead, they’ll need to go on a few dates to get to know someone before wanting to have sex.

Being demisexual does not make you strange or ‘prudish.’ It’s as legitimate an orientation as bi, gay, or straight, and more people are demisexual than most of us realise.

It’s important to note that demisexuality doesn’t relate to the gender of the people a person is attracted to. For example, someone can identify as demisexual and pansexual, meaning they are attracted to anyone of any gender, but only experience sexual desire after an emotional connection.

Are you wondering Am I demisexual? If demisexuality feels like it might fit you, but you’re not quite sure, here are 7 demisexual traits that could mean this label is for you.

Top view friends holding hands

7 Demisexul Traits: Do They Sound Familiar?

1. Sexual desire and pleasure come with an emotional connection

You do want sex and can desire and fantasise about it, but only with someone you are emotionally close with, and it’s probably impossible to imagine enjoying sex with emotion. Am I demisexual if I think about sex? Demisexuals are still interested in sex, but they can wonder why the rest of the world always seems so horny for models and celebrities.

2. You don’t enjoy casual sex or friends-with-benefits

You may have tried casual hookups, but if you did, you didn’t enjoy it.

A big demisexual trait? Hook-up culture and casual flirting in general might feel strange to you. You might not understand or get the same thrill your friends do from fantasising about or meeting new people.

3. You don’t really care about how hot strangers are

Why do demisexual people not tend to fancy randomers? Because looks generally aren’t important to them. To feel attracted, they need an emotional bond. Appearance is a secondary factor to that.

You probably don’t have huge crushes on celebrities, or have a physical ‘type.’

Thoughtful woman at home with hand on neck

4. You sometimes feel different or ‘prudish’

You might have friends who think you’re nervous about sex or have wondered why you’re the only person in your friendship group not having lots of casual sex.

Most demisexuals want to enjoy sex with someone they feel deeply about. You’re not prudish, you just have a different attraction style which makes you require more selective conditions.

5. You’re not a huge fan of physical touch

Casual or spontaneous physical touches like making out, dancing close to someone in a club or even hugs can make you anxious or uncomfortable.

You’d rather get to know someone through talk and activity instead of touch, at least until you get to know them very well.

6. You prefer intimate dates

Going out clubbing or hanging out with a big group on a first date is not your idea of a good time.

You prefer dating activities that let you converse one-on-one and connect more deeply, allowing an emotional bond to grow.

7. You tend to date or fall for friends

Am I demisexual if I’ve only dated people I’ve been friends with? As we said, being demisexual doesn’t mean you’ll automatically fall for your friends.

But demisexuals do tend to fall for friends more often than other sexual orientations because friends are people you already have an emotional bond with, which can pave the way for other desires.

Smiling happy couple dancing outside

Do any of these signs feel familiar? If you’re still wondering Am I demisexual? you can always do more research and reflection. There’s no rush.

Remember that you don’t have to put yourself in any category if you don’t want to. But if it helps you feel seen and move forward in your dating and sex life, go right ahead.