Why We Love Non-Penetrative Sex (And You Should, Too)

What is sex? This simple question has a ton of answers. As we learn about the possibilities of non-penetrative sex, alternatives to sexual intercourse that don’t involve penetration are more popular than ever.

Thankfully, we no longer think that sex must involve a penis and a vagina, and one penetrating the other. In this article, we'll give you nine non-penetrative sex ideas that will transform the way you view sex.

Sex means different things to different people. As we understand the many forms intimacy and physical connection can take, the more satisfying sex we have.

Sex can happen between people of any gender and with any number of partners and can involve pleasurable stimulation in all kinds of ways.

Great sex doesn’t have to involve any penetration at all.

What constitutes great sex is up to you.

For a large number of people out there, satisfying sex is about the many, many other activities that make up a meaningful, pleasurable experience, like kissing, touching, dry humping, oral sex, clitoral stimulation, role-playing games, being teased with a vibrator, and more.

What is non-penetrative sex?

Non-penetrative sex, sometimes called sex without intercourse or outercourse, is an alternative to sex as it’s traditionally understood.

Non-penetrative sex is any sexual interaction or stimulation that does not involve penetration into any part of the body, like the vagina, anus, or mouth.

Exploring sex without intercourse/penetration gives you greater insight into your body’s pleasurable potential, helps you find surprising ways of physically and emotionally connecting with your partner, and feel the benefits of slowing down and paying attention.

Trying non-penetrative sex ideas will add more options to your sexual repertoire.

You can reduce orgasm anxiety and pressure to climax while enabling orgasm for those who struggle to orgasm during penetration and help penis owners last longer in bed, especially those who struggle with premature ejaculation or ED.

If you're curious about the steamy world of non-penetrative sex, we’ve rounded up nine non-penetrative sex ideas to get you started.

9 Hot Non-Penetrative Sex Ideas to Try Tonight

1. Have a steamy makeout session

Don’t people make out anymore?

Hot and heavy kissing isn’t just for teenagers. Put penetration aside, have an evening of sex without intercourse and relive the magic of those first kisses.

Get horizontal on the couch and enjoy kissing, feeling each others’ mouths and breathing, running your fingers through their hair and exploring your body with their hands, with no pressure for it to lead to other kinds of sex.

2. Take advantage of your tongue

Your tongue is a tool with many talents.

Yes, oral sex, as we know (and love) it, can be an amazing alternative to sexual intercourse. But most of us haven’t discovered the broader potential of our tongues.

Try tracing your tongue along your partner’s labia, teasing around their vaginal opening, and, of course, kissing, flicking, and sucking.´

If they are a penis-owner, use your tongue to firmly or softly trace the length from the perineum to the penis, teasing and circling the pleasure-centred tip.

Don’t forget about other erogenous zones or body parts, and don’t limit yourself. You can kiss, suck, or lick their nipples, neck, inner thighs, toes, or wherever feels good for them.

FYI, this alternative to sexual intercourse may take up an entire day.

3. And your hands

Your fingers and hands can do many things besides penetration.

Use varied pressures, strokes, and speeds with your fingers around (but not inside) pleasurable spots like the clitoral glands, anus, vaginal opening, testicle and perineum.

Range and play with your strokes. Massage, cup, circle, tickle, or tease with tantalisingly light nails. And don’t forget to use lube.

4. Masturbate together

If you’re one of the many people turned on by watching or being watched, invite your partner to watch you masturbate while they simultaneously pleasure themselves.

If you’ve never masturbated with a partner before, it can take a moment to get used to. You can get in the mood by watching an erotic movie together.

But once the initial embarrassment fades, you discover a new intimacy. Stroke yourself while looking at your partner, connecting and teasing and learning how they liked to be touched.

5. Try Kunyaza

This form of sex without intercourse can change everything.

If you’re having partnered sex that involves one person with a penis and one with a vagina, have you ever tried using the penis to stimulate the external, not internal, part of the vulva?

Kunyaza has been practised between couples in central Africa for hundreds of years. The practice involves the penis-owner firmly and rhythmically stroking their partner’s clitoris and its surrounding area with their erection.

As the woman or vulva-owner becomes aroused, the clitoris swells. The man should continue stroking around the vulva, always returning to strike the clitoris until their partner is brought close or to orgasm (with any penetration at all).

6. Enjoy a sensual massage

Imagine a deliberate and tantalisingly slow massage to your external clitoris without entering the vagina. How would that feel?

If you want a romantic, non-penetrative sex idea, sensual massage is a great way to give pleasure to your partner’s entire body without erotic penetration or race to orgasm.

Relax, set the mood, and consider enhancing the sensation with warm or tingling massage oil or ice cubes.

Pay attention to each body part and small, overlooked corner. Move to their erogenous zones and follow the energy if things naturally get steamy.

7. Play with non-penetrative toys

Tenga toys/eggs feel incredible when you pour lube into the hole, pop them over the top of the penis and give your partner one insanely good hand job.

Vibrators are a classic non-penetrative sex toy.

Entwine your legs around your partners or sit on their lap if you’re feeling naughty, and let them explore your clit, penis and perineum, inner thighs, nipples, ass, and more.

Other great non-penetrative sex toys include clit suckers, nipple clamps, vibrating penis sleeves, finger vibrators, cock rings, and more.

8. Enjoy the challenge

Great sex isn’t about playing by the rules.

Discover the satisfying tension of alternatives to sexual intercourse by setting yourself the challenge of having one whole sex session without penetration or even an entire week.

As anticipation builds and when you know it’s not what you’re supposed to do, your desire to penetrate or be penetrated by your partner can become maddening.

If you fail the challenge? Oops…

Your body is full of external erogenous zones and pleasure hotspots that are too often overlooked. And not taking the time to explore sex without intercourse is a waste of your body’s steamy potential.

Add these non-penetrative sex ideas to your bedroom toolkit and discover what you’ve been missing out on this whole time.