BDSM Hand Signals For Safe & Sexy Play

BDSM play can’t be enjoyed without clear and agreed forms of communication. Sometimes verbal isn’t possible (hello ball gag fans) or powerful enough, and that’s where BDSM hand signals come in.

What are BDSM hand signals?

We all use non-verbal hand signals daily, many of us without realising it.

Not only is sign language a communicative system comprised entirely of non-verbal signals, but even people who don’t use sign language will wave, or give a thumbs up, a peace sign, or an obscene gesture more often than we notice.

BDSM hand signals are signs, shapes, and movements the hand makes to communicate something without words, like a request, command, intention, boundary, feedback, or feeling.

But unlike other hand signals, these are created and used within BDSM play, often between doms and subs, much like safewords.

Why do we need BDSM hand signals?

Communicating desires, boundaries, and more makes any sex, especially BDSM sex, safe and satisfying.

Why are signals more crucial to BDSM than other types of play? Because BDSM has the potential to push boundaries, and if those boundaries are pushed, causes physical and mental harm. This risk is heightened when play includes pain and/or punishment.

Hand signals are also especially useful in BDSM play because most BDSM play is characterised by a power dynamic between a dominant and a submissive, and enacting this hot dynamic often involves communicating instructions.

Nonverbal signals are useful when your mouth is busy

If you’ve delved into the naughty world of BDSM, you’ll know that verbal communication isn't always possible in certain positions and with certain toys.

But as well as the obvious situation in which your mouth might be covered by a ball gag, a hand, or be (ahem) full, there are other times BDSM hand signals come in useful, like when you’re:

At a loud BDSM party or event

BDSM or other play parties can sometimes be loud, which shouldn’t hinder your play. Ensure you can still safely enjoy each other by establishing easy hand signals you don’t need to hear.

In a public setting

You might want to send your lover a sneaky signal when you’re in public or around friends to get them going, show them what you’re thinking, or give them a naughty instruction without risking your privacy.

Exploring aural sensory deprivation

If you’re exploring this type of play, your ears will be covered, and you’ll be experiencing enhanced sensation in other ways.

But because you can’t hear anything, you’ll need BDSM hand signals to communicate thoughts or desires to your partner and understand them yourself.

Wanting to emphasise a verbal command

As anyone who’s ever made an obscene gesture knows, hand signals have a lot of impact.

BDSM hand signals can be utilised simultaneously as a verbal word or command to heighten play or the reality of a scene. If you’re a dom you can, for example, point with your index finger while giving a command to enhance your dominance through the power of the gesture.

Choosing BDSM hand signals

Like with safewords, BDSM hand signals must be agreed upon before any play can start.

They must be simple to do even when restrained or in a compromising position. They shouldn’t be physically complicated or hard to remember.

Common BDSM hand signals and nonverbal safe signs

These are a selection of BDSM hand signals that are common in the BDSM community, but it’s not an exhaustive list.

Most of these signals relate to starting or ending play because that is something that needs to be featured in nearly all BDSM play scenarios. However, there are many types of BDSM hand signals suited for specific scenarios, dynamics, and people.

They can communicate pleasure and pain but also be used for functions like instructing a sub to bend over, kneel down, serve another mistress/master, suck, lick, wait, touch themselves, and more.

Don’t be afraid to use these or develop your own creative and unique signals that work for you and your lover.

Holding up finger numbers

A dom and sub can assign meanings to numbers, like one for ‘Be silent,’ two for ‘This is almost too much,’ and five for ‘End play.’

A pinch or squeeze

These are often used when a sub wants to end play. Pinches and squeezes are simple to do with your fingers and easy for the dom to feel and interpret.

Thumps up or down

The best BDSM hand signals are simple and intuitive. A thumbs up or down is often useful for indicating stopping, starting, continuation, or positive feedback.

Snapping fingers

Snapping or clicking fingers is an easy BDSM hand signal for most people to do and has a strong audio quality, making it useful in an intense scene where physical touch has the potential to go unnoticed.

You can use one, two, or a series of snaps to signal different commands and requests.

Tapping

Tapping on your partner, a bed, or a hard surface near you is a handy nonverbal signal - when done firmly enough. Tapping on a hard surface has the benefit of creating sound, making the signal stronger.

Using a prop

Verbal and nonverbal props can be useful BDSM signals.

A sub can have something like a small ball in their mouth that they can drop when play gets too much, or an audible prop like a bell, whistle, or squeaky toy to use to signal any desire to start, end, or alter play.

When it comes to BDSM hand signals, the most essential thing is that everyone involved can do them and understand their meaning. Beyond this, you can make them as fun, personal and kinky as you want. Go wild!